Ready

It’s so bad that it’s funny…

Ready; Pic: T-Series; Source: Wikipedia

What do you do when you realise after the first few scenes only that the much anticipated film (for which you booked your tickets in advance) is really bad?

  • Option 1: Sulk and feel bad for the wasted money and time (in which you could have done some useful research on Facebook or bathed your Pomeranian)
  • Option 2: Just give in and try to laugh at the audacity of the filmmaker who thinks the audience is stupid (well, in reality the audience is stupid when Salman Khan is involved these days)

I watched ‘Ready’ with a dear friend and we decided to choose option 2 as that had helped us survive the disaster called, ‘Yamla Pagla Deewana’. R (my friend) thoroughly enjoyed the film as she seems to be in love with Salman and the two popular songs; ‘Character Dheela…’ and ‘Dhinka Chika…’ were enough to keep her in a cheerful mood. These were actually the best things about this Anees Bazmee directed flick (if you can call it direction).

‘Ready’ is a remake of a Telugu film of the same name, which was also remade in Tamil and Kannada. What amazes me is the weak script (Gopimohan) that did not deter four directors from making films on it. But as long as they rake in the moolah, film-makers will continue to unleash such travesties on us. And we, the audience are to be blamed for supporting films like this… yeah, yeah I know it has Salman Khan and that’s why even I went to watch it. If you still plan to watch the film (Sallu fan, right?) then here are some tips to survive it and things you can make fun of:

  • Go with friends who are not cine-snobs… avoid those who look down on Bollywood, those who seek intellectual entertainment and those who do not like Salman. Gather a gang of friends who are willing to leave their brains out and will not blame you for wasting your time.
  • Go with sub-zero expectations… ‘Ready’ is not ‘Wanted’ or ‘Dabangg’… does not even come closer; it is however a notch above ‘Tees Maar Khan’.
  • Respect the makers’ callous attitude… lip sync and the lines do not match in many sequences; the film’s location is not clear as Sri Lanka, Thailand and India are all same-to-same.
  • Admire the way Asin T (I am not going to bother with searching and copy-pasting her second name) aspires to become Sridevi of this decade. Sadly, she doesn’t have the comic timing or the charm of the 80s’ ruling diva.
  • Appreciate the value of friendship in Bollywood… a host of Bolly stars make guest appearance in the film, including Sanjay Dutt, Ajay Devgn, Arbaaz Khan, Zarine Khan, Kangana Ranaut and Chunky Pandey (ok, ok, not all are stars).
  • Have a discussion on Zarine Khan’s weight and thunder thighs after the ‘Character Dheela…’ song.
  • Practice your South Indian dance moves on the ‘Dhinka Chika…’ number while seated.
  • Appreciate the innovative use of colours – one gang of goons wear all whites in the film and the other gang wears all blacks. Their cars match the colour themes and move in V-shaped formations (attention to detail).
  • Understand the deep romantic meaning of the film’s dialogues such as, “Main Kutta Hoon… Tum Kutiya Ho… Tum Aayi Toh, Sach Kehta Hoon… Ke Aaya Mausam, Bhonkne Ka…” (I am a dog, you’re a bitch… since you’ve come; I can say honestly that it seems like the weather to bark). Yes, that’s what Salman says to Asin, homage to his original Prem character from ‘Maine Pyar Kiya’. Please do not try this with your girlfriend, she may not appreciate being called a bitch like the way Asin does and you’re no Salman.

To sum up the post, I can only say that ‘Ready’ is so bad that you can end up enjoying it… watch it at your own risk.

My rating: * * Two stars on five (1 for Salman, half each for the two fun songs)

– Shrey Khetarpal

Bollywood Wishlist

 

Expectations from the Hindi Film Industry in the next decade

Tabu in The Namesake

A lot has changed in Bollywood in the last decade and most of it for good. While bad films continued to pour in like a plague, there were many innovations and experiments that took the ‘industry’ to the next level…

Good writing finally gained the importance it deserves; casting started happening according to the characters and not based on the star power, and of course the technical improvements; Bollywood flicks covered a lot of ground in the last ten years. Specifically in 2010, the industry woke up to the power of small films that shadowed the biggies and hope this trend continues where content is the king. However, with so many improvements, there are still some irritants that we can do without.

Here’s my wish-list for Bollywood in the next decade:

Better roles for better actors: There are many good actors but a lot of times they do not get the right roles to play due to silly factors like star camps, favoritism and the actors’ own choices. Case in point Rani Mukherji, a supremely talented actress who did not get any powerful roles post 2005 when she was seen in Black, Bunty aur Babli and Paheli. Hopefully No One Killed Jessica works for her and she gets better films than the Hadippas andChunari Ka Daags of the world.

Similarly for Amitabh Bachchan, it is time that he only takes up quality work and avoids films like Teen Patti, Aladinand God Tussi Great Ho. Another fine actress, Tabu deserves better roles; her performances in Maqbool, Cheeni Kum and Chandni Bar were outstanding and with The Namesake, she garnered international acclaim. She has been signed on by none other than Ang Lee for his ambitious 3D project, Life of Pi; let’s hope that Bollywood also wakes up again to her talent.

Click here to read full post that appeared on nowrunning.com on January 3.

 

Celebrating the Duds

 

The worst of Bollywood in 2010

Pic: Tees Maar Khan

Every year Bollywood churns out hundreds of movies and hundreds of them flop; only a handful of them get acceptance and are lauded by the viewers, and even fewer by the critics. Sometimes even the bad ones work at the box-office and nobody has any explanation for that, except maybe Sajid Khan as he manages to do that every time with his films (Heyy Babyy, Housefull). While the good ones will get felicitated at the multiple award ceremonies (the eternal optimist in me still believes in them a little bit); the bad ones are forgotten except by the financier or the distributor. This article is dedicated to the worst of Bollywood in 2010. Nobody really wants to make bad films or do bad work but maybe the filmmakers and actors learn something from these disasters.

Declaration: This column is the author’s expression of the pains he suffered by watching poorly made films, badly enacted scenes and other forms of torture deployed by the Bollywood-wallahs this year. The author payed through his nose to watch these films at expensive multiplexes and thinks that it is his right to give back. Should you disagree, please read no further; if you agree, do share your views on the worst of Bollywood in 2010.

RGV Ki Aag Memorial Award for the Worst Film: and the nominees based on the author’s personal views and a quick and dirty survey, are:

  • Anees Bazmee’s No Problem – Because the audience cannot be ‘Welcomed’ in ‘No Entry’ again and again
  • Farah Khan’s Tees Maar Khan – Because Khan Khan hota hai aur Kumar Kumar
  • Mani Ratnam’s Raavan – Because we had great expectations, Sir
  • Anurag Basu’s Kites – Because the controversy around the lead pair was more interesting than the film itself
  • Leena Yadav’s Teen Patti – Because you shouldn’t try to make desi ‘21’
  • Ken Ghosh’s Chance Pe Dance – Because the dancing was so bad
  • Sajid Khan’s Housefull – Because in reality Mr. Khan it is NOT your Titanic and you can NEVER make Avatar (Sajid Khan had compared Housefull to Titanic and promised Avatar on Komal Nahta’s show on ETC Channel)
  • Priyadarshan’s Aakrosh – Because if you can’t get it right then should leave Prakash Jha to make such cinema

And the award goes to Farah Khan for Tees Maar Khan. Recognition for ‘borrowing’ the story-line of an old, Italian flick (After the Fox, 1966) and ruining it with jokes that are not funny and scenes that are just randomly put together. However, I must mention the only good thing in the film – Katrina’s item song, ‘Sheila Ki Jawani’.

Click here to read full post that originally appeared on nowrunning.com